Media

BETTER RED THAN PED: A close look at Guy Rundle is enough to send a shiver down your spine

You probably don’t know him other than from our occasional references, but Guy (pronounced ‘Gee’) Rundle regularly writes for the ultra left-wing notoriously anti-semitic email newsletter Crikey.

Usually he restricts himself to lashing Israel and hating America, applying an absurd double-standard to both countries so bizarre that he is surely in the running for some kind of concubine prize from the Holocaust denying Iranian President whose name we have trouble pronouncing.

HE STARTED IT
Recently Rundle opined about subjects closer to home, about Australian politics in a manner that should have him publicly tarred, feathered and dumped from a helicopter into that unfortunate half-full lake in Ballarat.

He described one target as resembling an anti-semitic cartoon character (richly ironic given Guy’s rather ugly preoccupation with Israel ) who is “morbidly obese”, “bumptious”, “spherical” and various other stupid epithets. Creepy Guy fantasised about “stabbing him through the eyes with a biro, so as to better mash his frontal lobes.”

Back in the day, we encountered Guy “Gee” Rundle, as he was an elder of the virulently anti-semitic ultra-left at Melbourne Uni, although had for understandable reasons never been brought out to campaign in elections for fear of increasing the vote of his opponents. Rundle was kept like a black leather clad gimp in a backroom of the student newspaper Farrago, until even that pleasure was denied him when patriots – including his recent target – liberated that sinister publication from Marxist control. Once they’d cleared out Rundle’s porn collection, they were able to get down to work.

By contrast, Rundle’s target is a man who has dedicated himself to the service of others pretty much all his life. He has all the skills to make a fortune but isn’t interested. A politician – like all of them – not without flaws but in his particular case a deep-thinking passionate bleeding-heart type who to use the late Ted Kennedy’s words “sees suffering and tries to heal it.” Unlike many in his line of work, he doesn’t talk about loyalty, he’s actually lived a life dedicated to it. Not just loyalty to individuals but to occasionally inconvenient ideas, his stirring defence of democracy in the Middle East, to pick one example.

A truly gifted and incredibly widely read man, you don’t see him boasting about what he’s read though, unlike the Guy Rundles of the world, he’s much more interested in people. With a masters degree Rundle didn’t quite get round to, his target is about as accomplished as you can get in his line of work and it’s clear that his best days are yet to come.

And this comes from a publication the target has wished out of existence many times, perhaps with more passion than even Guy Rundle could muster even after reading this rant today. But we call it how we see it. And do the best we can.

GUY RUNDLE IN GLASS-HOUSES (PLEASE IGNORE HIS HYDROPONIC GEAR)
Despite making many odious personal comments about others, Rundle is himself a morbidly obese individual who has the appearance – and we stress we make no accusation of wrongdoing of a criminal kind – of someone who could be comfortably cast as a menacing predatory kiddie fiddler in some kind of low-cost Foxtel only local TV production.

His oddly high-pitched voice with curious inflections would nearly be enough on its own to get him cast as all but the most sinister perv anywhere. The sound is not greatly unlike the last gasp of air being squeezed out of a bagpipe or – if you recall – like Peter Brady in that episode of the Brady Bunch when his voice broke. We’d love to see him go head-to-head with Emmy Award winning Simon Baker on the Mentalist, as the stark contrast in Aussie blokes could be presented for all the world to see. From hunk to gunk, as it were.

WOULD YOU TRUST GUY RUNDLE WITH YOUR CHILD?
We ask the question “Would you entrust your child with Guy Rundle?” because he has recently used the email newsletter to make some very adverse reflections on the appearance of others and his appearance is clearly a little more terrifying than the average. Appearance seems important to him, which itself is rather odd given his standard of presentation and his look that chills.

Observers familiar with the matter say that Rundle has recently been in a yo-yo battle with the bulge as the above pictures demonstrate. Nothing wrong with that, but it can become an unhealthy obsession for some. For a time, he did his best to cultivate a look of the starving artiste but eventually his beer gut bounced back, with Rundle presenting hairier and fatter and just as high-octaved as ever.

Pervs wouldn’t need Centrelink to locate Guy Rundle, they could just sniff the wind to bring them together, according to those who’ve had to share a State Library table with the struggling writer.

THE DUMB-ASS POSER
Beyond his disturbing appearance that would be enough to terrify any parent, many would presume Rundle is smart, mainly because he constantly claims he is, repeatedly referencing the latest obscure heroin-addicted 1960s Marxist sociologist he’s just read. Or claimed he had.

Of course, those most inclined to academically name-drop are usually the biggest fakes of all.

And while we don’t normally closely analyse Rundle’s “work” in the email newsletter, we did note his claim yesterday that Bob Menzies had declared war on Japan for Australia. Of course, by that time, John Curtin was the PM, a fact normally imparted to most Aussie students in Year 9 or earlier.

It seems Rundle is indeed dumber than a ninth grader. A know-all caught with his pants down around his ankles. Hopefully not within range of an educational or child welfare institution.

Perhaps Guy (pronounced ‘Gee’) wasn’t paying much attention at that stage in his schoolin’. At Brighton Grammar no less, one of Melbourne’s most expensive elite private schools, known more for the number of white Maseratis in the carpark than any academic achievement, Rundle is said to have been an undistinguished alumnus before predictably shuffling off to Melbourne Uni to study social theory for social cripples.

TYPECAST AS A PERV
Rundle was born to privilege, even if he does look like an extremely overweight, angry, unwashed pedophile just waiting to be cast as “Mr Baldy”. It’s a look that he could well be able to convert to cash, if TV planned on slapping together a mini-series on the life of, say, Dennis Ferguson, the perv who has captured Sydney tabloid attention and has terrified the hell out of many parents in NSW. We’d submit Rundle looks far more menacing.

In fact a close-up examination of photos of Rundle and Ferguson reveals that Rundle would almost certainly be able to portray a far more convincing predator than Ferguson who looks weedy but not particularly ghoulish.

Rundle has long been considered the Lurch of the Addams Family of the fringe-left Australian media. A lumbering literally left-leaning gimp of a now middle-aged man, a vile Israel hater, a dishevelled mephitic smart-arse whose insecurities would be enough to keep at least thirteen psycho-analysts busy probing why his copy is usually so constantly riddled with intellectual name-dropping. Short answer: He’s a loser.

IS HE REALLY WORTH THE EFFORT?
Normally, we’d ignore Rundle’s morbid obesity, psychiatric problems, lack of achievement, halitosis and failure to make use of the services of a dry-cleaner since 1991.

But his putrid anti-semitic double-standards about Israel and his personal attacks on various patriots in the extreme-left email gutter newsletter can no longer stand unmolested, pardon the pun.

There can be little doubt, Guy Rundle looks like a pedophile. It’s a harsh thing to say but we defy anyone to look at recent photographs of the unshaved, shambolic, creepy looking weirdo and reach any other conclusion. We’re not saying he molests the vulnerable because we have no evidence of such a thing, we merely make the observation that he has the looks of a stereotypical sex offender, as they are frequently presented in the media and by Hollywood.

Given how free Rundle is with his assessments based on people’s looks – in one Youtube video pervy Guy comments freely and lasciviously about the size of Sophie Monk’s breasts – we think it’s only fair to publicly note the ugly self-evident truth about this grub. He’s sufficiently scary looking to have most parents panicked about what he might get up to without supervision.

LOOKS LIKE A PERV
Appearances can of course be deceiving but the matter of public interest to the increasingly small number of readers at the email newsletter is that Rundle has quite possibly been deeply troubled by his morbidly obese, pedophile lookalike appearance for quite a while. Applying Rundle’s own logic, his pedophile looks may well motivate the venom and latent insecurities that lace his writing.

One possible consequence is that Rundle has become quite fearful, like a rock-spider. Fearful of being exposed as an academic fraud, as above. And perhaps also fearful that he should only take on targets who won’t or can’t fight back. Much like a sexual predator, who focuses on victims that give him the least trouble.

Interestingly, that recent Rundle attack that so excoriated a leading political figure also made oblique reference to your correspondent, Andrew Landeryou. But Rundle oddly and very politely skipped mention of my name, perhaps hoping to avoid the wrath of this fine publication.

In some ways, that’s worth celebrating. The anti-semites at Crikey are willing to take on many targets but have – perhaps wisely – decided that they are better off not attacking us. We’ve scared off plenty of others – like The Age’s Lawrence Money who waved the white flag years ago – using a similar tough-on-slime approach to our news reporting. Looking back to another time and another place, we would have given all the tea in China just to be left alone by these people.

Now we just recognise the disgusting conduct of the bully. And feel compelled to confront their evil. They lumber around the schoolyard with unbridled bravado, until you march up to the worst and punch them right in the nose. And watch them run and sook and whine.

THAT WAS THEN THIS IS NOW
The email newsletter is not quite the bully it was in the past, of course. Under now supposedly aspiring Liberal candidate Stephen Mayne, its swagger and recklessness was without limit. But at least it was mostly an equal opportunity slagger.

Today, it’s descended into an ultra-left lite version of The Age oped page. But every now and then, they feel a bit Bolshie and bored and stream forth venom at unlucky Tory or Labor moderate politicians. Only Greens and other extreme leftists are off-limits.

No gossip, no news, because their contacts have dried up, just ideologically-driven and culture war motivated hatred. More careful usually than it was under Mayne, but often no less vicious and venal.

Its moral compass points straight to hell.

And while those public figures- because of the high office they hold – cannot ever respond in kind, when ultra-left fringe publications cross the line, we will do our best to respond.

A TRUE BELIEVER IN WHAT EXACTLY?
Guy Rundle is a fraud, the Bernard L. Madoff of leftiste intellectuals. Like the imprisoned Bernie, Rundle asserts an expertise he doesn’t have, fakes knowledge with a mumbling certainty. And when closely examined, there’s nothing of substance there.

His views are many, his true convictions go unrecorded. His ideology – other than really hating Israel – is whining. Like “The Critic.”

Rundle has previously  insisted that Israel’s founding fathers were the moral equivalent of the provisional IRA. Crikey itself has landed in serious hot water after publishing many dozens of comments on their newsletter site that were clearly anti-semitic, we suspect many of them were personally poison-penned by Rundle.

Sources familiar with Rundle’s disastrous time at the ABC say that his talent was dwarfed by his possessiveness, constant territorial spats, inability to work with others and a deep neurosis only shock therapy could cure.

Rundle’s work itself was vigorously condemned by critics:

The satire, however, may be beyond redemption. With all that preparation time, the best Rundle could put to air for his first vital program was a turgid send-up of Krzyszkopf Kieslowski’s Three Colours films and a news segment – now there’s a fresh notion – that made one lose the will to live…

HIS REAL CRIME
While his work is turgid and he looks like a pedophile, that’s not his crime. His offence against nature is that he is a resentful child of privilege whose achievements at their apex extend to professionally whining for fringe left-wing publications like Arena and the Sunday Age. Everything else he’s had a go at has been a disaster but at least then he tried. His offence against decency is that he’s always disappointed, betrayed, sold out or whatever. A living embodiment of the Muppet’s Statler and Waldorf critics in one grouchy and necrotic individual with considerably more nasal hair than the two old blokes combined.

It is not unreasonable to assert that Guy Rundle is the Australian in greatest demonstrable need of a back, crack and sack hair removal operation, excluding all currently living beneficiaries of the Luntz family trusts. It seems unlikely we would be able to find a beauty clinic willing to bravely perform this heroic task.

Beyond being a hairy grouch, he’s perpetually unsatisfied, the frustrated intellectual equivalent of a dirty old codger scratching his groin and nether-regions, never quite getting his fingers where he needs them to be and all too keen to let the whole unpleasant exercise show to all the world. Not an edifying spectacle.

For example, Rundle interrupted his obsessive Israel bashing and spent most of last year writing about Barack Obama as if he was Christ returning (or Gee’s atheist equivalent, the arrival of the Spanish doughnut truck at the Vic Market). This year of course, Rundle’s instantly disappointed about various Obama sell-outs and compromises or whatever. Yawn, yawn, yawn.

And that’s not a bad summary of Rundle’s life as a born-to-privilege private school smart-arse who just couldn’t cut it doing anything more substantial than writing bad lines in failed TV comedies, disastrously bad ABC arts shows and now in premature retirement is writing anti-semitic filth for a salivating ultra-left-wing whose sense of decency, proportion and justice seems always curiously suspended when it comes to the Jewish state. Of course, they’re not racist, they just don’t like uppity Jews who dared to found an oasis of democracy, egalitarianism and prosperity in a desert of tyranny, misogyny and squandered, plundered oil wealth.

THE LAST WORD
There was a time when chattering class comrades like Rundle had the last word. A time when a classifieds river of gold or free-flowing taxpayer loot kept smug inner-city Melbourne wankers like Gee in good income with a nook in the Age newsroom or somewhere in the ABC.

Sadly for Rundle, the rivers of gold are drying up and the ABC slammed the door shut to him long ago, after his disastrous joke of an arts programme imploded, complete with primal screams coming from his office the day he was punted.

So we’ll have the last word. Guy Rundle maintains the appearance of a middle-aged pervert, predator and  pedophile. Whether he is or not is a matter for him and for law enforcement to contemplate. Is it the nicest thing to speak such home-truths to Rundle’s very limited power? Probably not. But what else do you do to bullies but stand up to them, stand with their victims and demonstrate a clear and present willingness to punch back harder, every time. We pledge this and more.

Stand by for future instalments on the artiste currently known as ‘Gee’, where we delve into what the Australian Securities and Investment Commission have to say about Guy Rundle and we do our best to develop an alternative source of income for the little Aussie struggler by focus-grouping the extent of public support for him playing perverts in forthcoming Aussie TV productions.

© 2009 VEXNEWS © 2012.