There is considerable angst in the Bruce Liberal Party following this week’s preselection for the next Federal Election.
Popular local candidate and Liberal stalwart Anton Vucic had the support and respect of the local party, but it seems that party headquarters had other ideas. Out-of-towner Emanuele Cicchiello clinched the win following an easy ride in the roundtable questioning and the distribution of two amazing brochures to delegates.
One of the more nauseating questions to Cicchiello during the night was: “Why are you such a nice guy?”. He was really quaking in his boots after that one! Vucic, on the other hand, was faced with much tougher questions befitting Q&A or Kerry O’Brien.
It was also clear that Cicchiello’s knowledge of his newfound electorate was not extensive. When asked about his connections to Bruce, he replied: “Well, my wife shops at The Glen.. (Tip O’Neill he clearly aint!) Then things got truly bizarre when Cicchiello struggled to name the sitting Labor Member, Alan Griffin.
Cicchiello, a teacher and Deputy Principal, also should have hired a good proof-reader for his brochures to delegates. Take a deep breath and get ready for the following.
(1) page 2: spelling error – ‘lead” rather than “led”;
(2) page 3: grammatical error -”second sentence “….to build better future for me, my sister and brother……”;
(3) Page 3: part-time employer Professor John Polsel undergoes a miraculous name change and becomes Professor Richard Teese on page 5 (his CV page) ;
(4) page 4: his wife grew up in “Forrest Hill”, and not Forest Hill, as we know it;
(5) page 5 : “Forrest Hill” again;
(6) page 6 = he strode the international stage as a Young Liberal State President, where he helped “foster international relations between Australia and Vietnam..”
(1) page 1 : the aspiring Liberal Candidate for Bruce has a large front-cover staged action-photo, showing him campaigning amongst startled traders in the neighbouring seat of Hotham;
(2) page 2 : spelling error “pink bats” – apparently, he has discovered a new specie of bat……;
(3) page 2 : “national parliament….”;
(4) page 3 – “the issues that matter in Bruce…” include “…. supporting traditional family values…” – clearly Bruce is a moral cesspool, according to our Emanuele;
(5) page 4 – lists local Bruce schools including, Waverley Christian College, which sadly for Emanuele, is in Aston;
(6) page 4 – lists “Manufacturing hub in Dandenong South”…… sadly, in his old hunting-ground of Holt;
(7) page 5 – will conduct a stunning campaign via non-existent Bruce “community radio…”;
(8) page 5 – proud picture of the future Federal Candidate posting a letter;
(9) – Bruce voters eagerly await his stories, regaling them of his famous baby-sitting adventures;
(10) – proudly ran as Liberal Holt Candidate in ’07, achieving a -10% 2PP swing, double the state average, clearly impressing the party chiefs with his vote-winning prowess for the ALP;
(11) – rejected by Knox residents in 2005 and 2008 for a seat on Council; not to mention being a failed preselection candidate on 3 prior occasions;
(12) – page 8 – highlights referees from Waverley Golf Club and Waverley Christian College: neither of which are in Bruce;
(13) – page 9 – proud display of a reference from his GP….. reinforcing his heavyweight local support to take on the Labor machine….
(14) – page 11 lists “ethnic” papers: “Chinese Paper” (sic) and “Neos Cosmos” (sic).
Overheard in the car-park at the end of the night was a long-time party veteran, shaking her head, lamenting, “I can’t believe Cicchiello won. There goes Bruce for another three years.”
Of course, the big winner here is Alan Griffin. He won’t be losing any sleep. One wonders why Liberal headquarters so brazenly backed the inferior candidate. I thought they actually wanted to win the seat.
A disgusted State Council Delegate (never wasting my time at these pantomimes again).