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SNEAK PREVIEW: VIP ALP must-see staffer diary sneak-leaked to VEXNEWS

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Many in Canberra are impressed that ex Swan chief of staff Jim Chalmers has fired up with the story of his role in the Rudd-Gillard government, soon to be released by the Louise Adler group of companies.

So much so that one operative has leaked an early draft of the Chalmer memoir lovingly prepared back in the day on his Blackberry.

Morning Glory Haze – My story of delivering government for Labor

Highlights from Prof. Jim Chalmers, MUPPET, 2013

2007
After re-reading Christine’s book – Inside Kevin – yet again I can’t help but remind myself of just how much of the book I contributed. AJ and I were almost neck and neck as her best source until the last session with Christine – that was pretty good even if I do say so myself. Re-read it to remind me of just how crucial I was to Labor returning to power in preparation for my memoir – Me, Myself and
Labor
(might have to be more humble, but great working title).

2008
Our first Budget night. Treasury have worked hard, but I applied the polish after Chris had signed off.

Wayne is a very lucky Treasurer to have me working for him. Kevin still not so keen, but he will keep.

Caught up with Kaiser, talked NBN. If Gore invented the internet, I delivered it at 100Mbps.

Spoke to Albo, swapped notes on staffers. He laughed at all my jokes.

Kevin getting weirder, AJ consulting me more and more.

Listened to Springsteen – my purple patch theme song – Tunnel of Love.

Spoke to Albo, caught up with Tom Dusevic at Grail – wants to have my babies, definitely wants to have Wayne’s.

THE GFC
September 14, 2008. Got briefing on Darren Lehman’s brother.

October 11, 2008. Boss in Washington, slept in. Had the banks in today, RBA, Treasury, hungover, something about crisis.

October 12. Delivering rescue package. My advice is spend and spend big. My best idea is definitely home insulation scheme. Genius.

2009
Listened to Bruce Hawker, man is a genius.

Listened to Springsteen, feel he sums up government at the moment – Dancing in the Dark.

Listened to myself, double genius.

May 12, 2009. Sat in Advisor Box rating coalition staffers.

Briefed against Emmo for Cabinet.

Arbib says I am great, Albo concurs. Shorten yet to be convinced.

RUDD NEEDS TO GO

24 June, 2010 It’s on. Doing numbers for Wayne, sent txt to Chis, Chis sent txt to me. Can feel move to AJ’s office coming.

25 June. 2010. PMO will have to wait, her loss. Still needed by DPMO.

26 June, 2010. Realise federal campaign will need my critical participation. Send txt to Karl with my
idea.

27 June, 2010. Listened to Springsteen. Born to Run will be my Rankin campaign launch anthem.

THE CAMPAIGN
22 July, 2010. Another great all nighter, Adam Collins is a lucky man.

1 August, 2010. Time for Julia to get real. Sent txt to PM.

2 August 2010. Real Julia going really well since I raised it in campaign meeting.

12 August 2010. Why won’t ungrateful public reward our effort? Will write book to spell it out to them before next election.

Discussion

Comments are disallowed for this post.

  1. Gee no wonder the ALP are more rooted than Billy Snedden.

    Posted by anon | May 3, 2013, 13:04
  2. Fark you Charmers

    Posted by Adam | May 3, 2013, 14:22
  3. Too funny!!! After September 14 the ALP will have plenty room still to hold caucus in a latrine cubicle.

    Posted by anon | May 3, 2013, 19:55
  4. A cautionary tale

    Posted by Janine boofa | May 3, 2013, 20:15
  5. My snake is stirring

    Posted by Snake Chalmers | May 3, 2013, 20:20
  6. This bloke left swannee with a broken mining tax and he is viewed as an up and comer?

    Promising a surplus – another stroke of genius.

    Posted by Eddie obeid | May 3, 2013, 20:29
  7. You are all c_nts

    Posted by Kevin rudd | May 3, 2013, 21:51
  8. My snake stirs when I get a glimpse of Pissy Chryne’s [deleted]

    Posted by Byron in Wahroonga | May 3, 2013, 22:46
  9. Still don’t rate him

    Posted by Bill shorten [impersonator] | May 3, 2013, 23:19
  10. I think this is bad satire, but there is a chance it might just be bad. Either way it is bad.

    Posted by Hmmm | May 4, 2013, 0:04
  11. Political staffers are amongst the most vain and self-important puffed up posers.

    However, this turd’s ramblings are a truly Herculean effort if true. They are a monumentally large projectile vomit of double-speak and retro-vision.

    Posted by Giuseppe De Simone | May 4, 2013, 1:42
  12. The self obsession reminds me of someone….wait!….could Jim Chalmers be Mike Pezzullo’s love child?

    Posted by PoliticoNT | May 4, 2013, 7:55
  13. I think for Labor the best thing would be to get the election defeat out of the way and start rebuilding minus the poisonous Conroy, Farrell, Kim Carr, Cameron, Swan etc. Labor needs true believers back in control, not some of the grubby turds who have hijacked the party.

    Posted by Roy Tuswell Seat Sniffer | May 4, 2013, 8:54
  14. this is a parody, right? [VEXNEWS: Yes, it is a parody]

    Posted by wtf | May 4, 2013, 14:55
  15. 22 July, 2010. Another great all nighter, Adam Collins is a lucky man.

    is this what I think it means?

    Posted by wtf | May 4, 2013, 14:59
  16. Space militarised with US private companies to tow asteroids into orbit around moon ostensibly to throw at earth bound asteroid if one should turn up….but heya just let a moon captive asteroid fall to earth to make a splash…what need for H-bomb if you are holding asteroids in high speed orbital magazine around the moon.

    This issue could be trigger for WW-3

    Posted by Assange | May 5, 2013, 14:12
  17. Why is everyone still questioning my integrity?

    Posted by KOD | May 5, 2013, 19:58
  18. Why do people accuse me of betraying the values of my own Party?

    Posted by KOD | May 5, 2013, 23:13
  19. deen MigHell will get this clown to ghost write his memoirs. they both have delusions of grandeur. MigHell will be suffering from relevance deprivation syndrome, watch this space for the boof head to try and be the working class hero prior to Sept 14.

    Posted by jimmys mate | May 6, 2013, 11:00
  20. KOD, tell me about it. People question my integrity all the time too! WTF?

    Posted by Hawke | May 6, 2013, 20:18
  21. Why is everyone saying I don’t have the courage of Alex?

    Why is everyone saying I only criticise Tony behind his back and never in the open?

    And why is everyone always questioning my integrity!

    Posted by KOD | May 7, 2013, 7:48
  22. To call Chalmers a wanker is an insult to wankers

    Posted by Right Said Fred | May 7, 2013, 12:04
  23. Liberal Patriots, spare a thought today for Australia’s greatest State Treasurer of the last 10 years, now ex-Treasurer, Kim Wells.

    Today Michael O’Brien brings down a surplus budget off the back of Kim’s hard work.

    Victoria is the only State or Territory to have a budget surplus other than WA – and WA has “rivers of gold” mining royalties which Victoria does not.

    Whilst wishing Moby all the best, let’s remember the outstanding work of a loyal servant of the Victorian Division, Kim Wells.

    Posted by Anonski | May 7, 2013, 12:35
  24. Vex should start a competition for suggestions for the name of Chalmers impending self-aggrandising treatise. How about something along the lines of the title of a Spike Milligan novel like: “Rudd & Gillard. Their Part in my Victory!”
    Come on Patriots send in those suggestions.
    BTW Right said Fred….spot on comment

    Posted by Chalmers for Rankin Committee | May 7, 2013, 13:14
  25. dimbo the village idiot can speak big and deliver little. Sounds like $228 million doesn’t deliver an east west. He reminds me of that low flyer cossie. Hope moby can get a job after politics because poor peter was left on the shelf.

    Posted by south east liberals | May 7, 2013, 19:47
  26. Is chalmers that bad? I mean in a relative sense? The ratio of arrogance/confidence to actual talent/skill level is off the charts across the alp at the moment. Is this guy any worse? It really is a sad state of affairs for those intelligent, respectful, considerate people who want to work within a progressive party with a strong history seem to get nowhere, while the bully boy loudmouths just trample over the top of them and push them to the side. Seriously got my heart broken by the state of the party and fuck wits like chalmers being the poster boys. Sad state is I don’t think he is the worst of them at the moment.

    And the arrogance of taking on a sitting cabinet minister. Who the fuck do these people think they are?

    Posted by Hate you all | May 7, 2013, 21:03
  27. Vic Libs Cossie for life member dinner on May 24 was facing cancellation because of a lack of interest but now most going are freeeeeeeeeebies to save face and multi embarrassment all round. Shame Cossie Shame.

    Posted by Hellno | May 8, 2013, 8:14
  28. My mum is going..and sis. But Scott Ryan, me and Mitchy spend 2 years conning our lapdog Tony Snell into holding a dinner to make Costello a life member and now no one will go so yes the place is full of free tickets…even after 27,000 invitations were sent out only 42 payers and 200 giveaways. Please come and help rehabilitate poor old Pete.

    Posted by KOD | May 8, 2013, 8:18
  29. I got 3 invites and binned them!! Costello as popular as Ian McDonald.

    Posted by Anonski | May 8, 2013, 8:21
  30. old cossie has no mates loser

    Posted by south east liberals | May 8, 2013, 11:01
  31. maybe cossie could tee up with danny nalliah and inga binga

    Posted by south east liberals | May 8, 2013, 11:02
  32. Janine boofa lol

    Posted by Lol | May 9, 2013, 22:18
  33. My best idea is definitely home insulation scheme .
    Genius ……….hahahahahaahhahaahahahahahahaahah oh cant stop gotta head to hospital for stitches

    Posted by sides r splittin | May 16, 2013, 15:07
  34. Hawlkings

    should be possible to design a micro phage to engage in symbiotic relationship to deliver missing processes and chemicals to help treat condition, delivery system lacto basil

    Posted by Healer | May 23, 2013, 22:33

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